Do we 'please' our alexa? the curious case of digital politeness

Alison Williams of Toronto has a question that’s been quietly simmering in the collective consciousness of the digitally-dependent: should we be polite to our voice assistants? It sounds absurd, perhaps, a quaint indulgence in an age of algorithms. But the habit – the reflexive ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ directed at Alexa, Siri, and Google Assistant – reveals a deeper, and increasingly relevant, question about our evolving relationship with artificial intelligence.

The echo of human interaction

The impulse to be courteous, even to inanimate objects, isn't new. It’s rooted in the long history of attributing agency and personality to the things around us – a vestige of animism, perhaps, or simply a reflection of our innate desire for social connection. But with AI becoming increasingly sophisticated, mimicking human conversation and anticipating our needs, the stakes shift. Are we simply projecting our own social conditioning onto machines, or is there something more at play?

The response from readers to Williams’ query, published in The Guardian, highlights the spectrum of opinion. Some dismiss it as harmless quirk, a socially-conditioned reflex devoid of meaning for the AI. Others argue that cultivating a polite interaction, even if unreciprocated, reinforces positive communication patterns – a subtle form of habituation that could, hypothetically, influence future AI development. The crux of the argument lies not in what the AI understands, but in what it reflects about us.

But there's a deceptive ease to this digital politeness. It allows us to offload a certain amount of cognitive load. Instead of carefully formulating a request, we can simply employ familiar social scripts. We’re outsourcing etiquette, essentially. What happens, then, when these scripts become the norm, blurring the lines between genuine interaction and programmed response?

The recent surge in highly realistic AI companions – those designed not just to answer questions but to offer emotional support – raises even more unsettling questions. Are we creating a generation that conflates programmed empathy with genuine human connection? The ease with which we can elicit a ‘thank you’ from a digital voice, no matter how manufactured, risks diminishing the value of reciprocity in real-world interactions. The question isn't whether Alexa cares; it’s whether we care enough to examine the implications of our own behaviour.

The prevalence of this behavior speaks to a wider anxiety about the nature of our relationship with Technology: are we building tools that serve us, or are we, in turn, being shaped by them?

The answer, unsurprisingly, is probably a bit of both. And for now, Alison Williams’ simple question serves as a valuable, if slightly unsettling, reminder to scrutinize the rituals we’re building in the age of the algorithm.