De zerbi's apology: a symptom of deeper footballing ills
Roberto De Zerbi’s belated apology for past comments regarding Mason Greenwood exposes a troubling, and frankly, familiar issue within football – the insidious reluctance of powerful men to confront uncomfortable truths about male violence against women.
The silence that speaks volumes
Spurs supporter groups, including those I co-founded, Proud Lilywhites and Women of the Lane, reacted swiftly and decisively to De Zerbi’s initial response. His attempt to deflect, to frame it as a simple misunderstanding, was wholly inadequate. Silence from individuals holding positions of influence on these critical matters isn’t merely regrettable; it’s a deliberate choice, a reinforcement of damaging norms.
Beyond intent: the weight of impact
What De Zerbi offered was a carefully constructed self-assessment, a character reference masquerading as accountability. The research is unequivocal: perpetrators of sexual and domestic abuse rarely recognize the gravity of their actions. A 2024 review in Trauma, Violence, & Abuse identified a consistent pattern of blame deflection – attributing harm to the victim, to circumstance, or to a momentary lapse in judgment. This displacement of responsibility is rooted in a deeply ingrained need to maintain a facade of respectability, a refusal to acknowledge the damage inflicted.
The “good guy” fallacy
The phenomenon of the “I know him, he’s a good person” defense isn’t about genuine empathy. It's a cognitive shortcut, a way to compartmentalize behavior and protect a cherished self-image. It’s a defense mechanism, not a reflection of moral understanding. As research consistently demonstrates, men are far more likely than women to view sexist remarks as acceptable, creating a dangerous gap in awareness and understanding.
Football’s unique role
Football, uniquely, acts as a magnifying glass, amplifying existing societal issues. The fervent fanbase, the intense pressure within the dressing room, the celebrity status of players – it all coalesces to create an environment where harmful behavior can persist, often undetected. The heat generated by De Zerbi’s appointment, the passionate reaction from supporter groups, the media scrutiny – it’s all a testament to football’s unparalleled ability to ignite the conversation around male violence against women.
Ownership: more than just words
Genuine ownership demands a fundamental shift in perspective. It requires acknowledging the specific harm caused by words and actions, accepting that impact exists independently of intent, and committing to avoid repeating the mistake. De Zerbi's statement fell dramatically short of this standard. It wasn’t about piling on criticism; it was about demonstrating a genuine, demonstrable understanding of the consequences of his words.
Changing the culture – one choice at a time
This isn’t about demonizing individuals; it’s about recognizing the systemic forces that perpetuate harm. Men stepping up isn’t about performative allyship. It's about challenging offensive comments in the locker room, resisting the urge to laugh at demeaning jokes, and actively listening to women when they raise concerns. It's about using our influence to promote a culture of respect and accountability. The football establishment needs to move beyond simply appointing diverse managers; it needs to fundamentally reshape the values that underpin the game.
A final note: the conversation started, but the work has only just begun.
Chris Paouros