(c) Copyright 2013, Margaret Langstaff
All Rights Reserved
Is This Your Lucky Day?
Allow me to amplify and explain.
This book (the one above with the wingnut-eared goat on the cover) could change your life! And mine too, for that matter. More on that later (maybe).
But already I digress. Back to the point.
And (without further prologue and fanfare) The Point is this. The arduous toil of my decades long research into the heretofore hidden secrets, archeological, cosmological, epistemological and otherwise, of what is the real honest to God truth vis-à-vis the official patter and spin on Providence and Who (you-know-Who) did what to whom (and when) and how and why (yes, I had to throw that in too, shocking though it is), in ancient scripture has finally borne fruit. And the fruit, as they say, “has not fallen far from The Tree.” Nevertheless, there it is and it is what it is. Ripe! And long over-due!
And here it is: The Dead Goat Scrolls, the fully frontally FRONT-END loaded fulsome fruit of my tireless exhumation and investigation of newly discovered ancient texts, completely complete, unexpurgated and fully annotated, exponentially exegeted every which way, sliced and diced to the minimal meme- mimetic level, and totally explained for the even the most comatose and catatonic of modern readers, the previously untold (and hitherto UN-imaginable) story of that dark dusty dimwitted era of humankind’s barely gutting it out betwixt its getting The Big Boot in the Butt from the Garden of Eden and being Divinely Water-Boarded to near extinction in the Great Flood of 10,000 B.C. (or thereabouts, give or take a millennia, and who honestly gives a rat’s rear-end plus or minus a thousand or so sui anus domini here and there anyway? It’s all the same in The End)—commonly referred to in scholarly circles as—
The Great Ignoramus Interregnum
Hint: Noah wasn’t so noetic after all. No, he wasn’t. (Frankly, he was nothing more than a humorless know-it-all and an animal hoarder! That’s right, bubba, yes, he was) And he wasn’t so damn special, either. Somebody else got some hot tips from heaven and just in time Flood Insurance, yeah he did. But bear with me a moment more. You will soon see your time is well spent.
Just Picture This!
But first, a bit of preparation. To begin with, think parallel universes, okay? Think alternate realities? Think the Other Side of the Story, understand me? Got it? All right, so now hold those thoughts for a moment (it will be well worth your while, hold it, hold it …).
Breathe in, breathe out
Okay, so now focus, attend closely and listen up: (To quote briefly from the opening lines of my opus, a true textual trans-literal translation from the American Appalachian-Transylvanian dialect),
Way back in time …
Wait a minute. We’re talking about a really long time ago, comprende, amigos? Try to picture this, if you will. Close your eyes if you have to.
And thus, to continue:
Way back in time, after Adam and Eve, but before Noah and the Flood, lived a pretty good and honest man named Ishmut (His parents had given him this very ancient and honorable name, a name as old as dirt itself, meaning ‘he who sweats a lot.’).
More on “He Who Sweats A Lot”
Ishmut ekes out a small miserable existence with his three wives (Anthill, Shriek and Nan), three small daughters and assorted goats in a desert wasteland at the foot of the Hopeless Mountains. Tragedy and disappointment dog his steps spite of his arduous and earnest efforts to always do the right thing. He seems benighted, ignorant and foolishly (and relentlessly) hopeful in the face of insurmountable obstacles. Life often makes no sense to him and he frequently feels he is being punished for mysterious unintentional sins. Nevertheless, in the face of all his endless trials, Ishmut never wavers from his faith in a merciful providence (even when it seems prima facie absurd to cling to such a notion). Find out how Ishmut survives and finds beauty and happiness in the stew of misery that is his daily life.
Invaluable Life Lessons! “Dirt Cheap!”
No warranties made or implied.